Because It Matters

Life sometimes is so much simpler when your children are babies…. you can kiss away hurts… you can explain life by saying because I said so…

What does a mother do when the time comes that the word “because” and simple kisses no longer fix the wrongs in their children’s lives..

Their heart breaks and their soul shatters… I knew the pain of that but from a grandmothers point of view…

I thought I had a good understanding of  how my daughter felt….while dealing with her critically ill son and during the time her daughter was battling for her life. I mean how could I not… my own heart was aching.

Of course I understood. I was their grandmother. I was her mother and knew the heart ache I felt watching her deal with the past sixteen years of trying to give her children a “normal” life to the best of her ability. She managed to do so much more than that…

I really had no clue…  of course I had empathy, and compassion, but I honestly didn’t truly understand the hopelessness she felt as a mother of critically sick children …. till now.

My baby… my grandchildren’s mother is battling thyroid cancer and as a mother I now understand her.. more than I ever did.

The helplessness I feel, when she finally opens up and shows me glimpses of her fear, and heartache, shatters my soul to pieces.

I am her mother. I am supposed to be able to kiss her hurts away.

I am supposed to explain life to her in a way that she understands…how can I, if I can’t find the words, myself.

I have been sick and thought I would never make it… and was terrified about who would take care of my daughter after I was gone.

Now that worry is no longer there.

I know that when I leave this earth… she will be fine, she has learnt her  life lessons well.

She is a fighter, a caring and loving person.

She is a realist, strong-willed and carries hope and faith in her heart.. how can she not be okay?

I have watched her battle thyroid disease, all the while keeping her life normal for her children.

I have seen her smiles masked with pain and fear that is only seen by a mother.

She is my daughter

She is my best friend.

She is my heart.

She is my Hero.

I love you Christy with everything I am.

Today my heart is filled with gratitude to be a mother…..

Please do what you can to raise awareness about any disease at any given time possible, because it matters.

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