Dreams Lost

I miss so many things I used to do, I miss the person inside of me that I dreamed I would become one day.

I took oil painting lessons from a lady named Nancy when I was 12 years old. It was the best time of my life, she gave me so much encouragement and helped me to learn who I was and who I was going to be. She was such a free spirit, frying do nuts in the kitchen naked, painting and parrots singing and saying Cookie let your mind be free you can do this, she made me believe I could.

She had so much faith in me that she got me a meeting with a school in our area, one I had dreamed of going to, High School of the Performing and Visual Arts, I never got to go, not that I wasn’t good enough. I entered an art show and won first place, one of the proudest moments of my life.

Then life got in the way of the dreams I had hoped for, and I find myself 36 years later mourning that little girl with lost dreams.

I haven’t honestly tried to draw anything in so many years. I am trying to dig deep inside and believe I can do it. I want to be part of a new awareness campaign called ACE, but I am failing not only at the art work but in believing in myself.

Today I am grateful for that one person who tells me, just create and feel the joy and wonder of it, and it will be perfect, free your mind and let it go.

Maybe one day I will be able to make it look on paper as it does inside my mind.

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