I Am More Than My Heartache

I began this journal on May 1, 2012, determined to put my blessings in to print so that on days I struggled I could go back and physically see the gratitude of the blessings in my life.

But as life would have it, on November 27, 2012 my world changed forever. Most people would have said I was heartbroken but the truth of the matter I was soul shattered.

My heart was broken and my soul shattered so deeply that the only thing left of me as a person was a small bit of powdered dust that was once me.

I held on to that particle of dust that was me, and battled to one day become the person I used to be.

That never happened.

It was such a powerful event that I walked away changed, no longer knowing who I honestly was.

I still fight daily to not allow that one day of my life change the person that I am or want to be. I am not the same person I was and maybe that is better and maybe it isn’t.

There are still parts of me that I recognize and are familiar but there are parts of me that I have no clue who this person is.

Life is to be lived day by day and that is how I manage now.

I am angry and ashamed with myself to believe that I allowed something to have so much power over me that I could no longer find gratitude in the blessings of my day.

As I sit here and reflect on the past few years I realize so many beautiful memories haven’t been given their proper place in this journal, and I realize now how tragic that really is. But it is what it is.

I can’t take back yesterday and change it, I can only take control of today and make it what I want it to be.

I received an email today where this journal was discussed and reading that,  it sparked a new life in me to work harder on being my authentic self.

I can’t change what happens to me I can only control what I allow it to change in me.

Today I am grateful for being reminded that I am more than my heartache in life.

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