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Sometimes You Have To Move And Leave The Past Behind

To New Beginnings  A Peek Inside My Soul….

 

For years I have battled and fought hard not to get lost in the struggles of my day to day life.

Many years ago, I was inspired by something Betsy Baker shared with the Ankylosing Spondylitis community.

It got me to thinking. ( Dangerous, I know!)

Her inspiration resulted in the creation of “My Garden of Gratitude” blog. I decided I would write about something positive or that I was grateful for every day. So, during the times I was struggling I could go back and reflect on the beautiful things in my life.

But in November 2012 my world changed forever. I was no longer the same person I had always been. It ended up being a long and difficult journey to glue myself back together, but piece by piece, tear by tear I began to reconstruct myself. I’ve made several halfhearted attempts to restart that blog, but it’s doesn’t give me the same gift it did in the beginning.

I will admit I am regretful that I didn’t continue with the original blog, but pain and darkness was the only light I could see during that time.

Earlier this week, I decided to create a blog that would hold a little bit of everything and could think of no better place than to start my new “Garden of Gratitude.”

Today, I have decided to take Gratitude by the Horns! I am going to ride that beast until I get thrown off, stomped on or dragged around the arena of life! So, take that tough times, difficulties, struggles, tragedies and anything else you want to throw my way. I am and will always be grateful for EVERY single difficult, wonderful, hurtful, beautiful, devastating and enjoy full moment of my life!

So today starts a new beginning for me….

You grow what you feed…. I used this phrase yesterday in response to all that is going on in the world…

Today I realized that is what I used for the original post of My Garden of Gratitude.

Today is a day of reflections and moving forward.

My Attitude Is Gratitude!

cb628c2af613d97b25621d7f93d0e231Today I have decided to take Gratitude by the Horns! I am going to ride that beast until I get thrown off, stomped on or dragged around the arena of life! So take that bad times, difficulties, struggles, tragedies and anything else you want to throw my way. I am and will always be grateful for EVERY single difficult, wonderful, hurtful, beautiful, devastating and enjoy full moment of my life!

I Am More Than My Heartache

I began this journal on May 1, 2012, determined to put my blessings in to print so that on days I struggled I could go back and physically see the gratitude of the blessings in my life.

But as life would have it, on November 27, 2012 my world changed forever. Most people would have said I was heartbroken but the truth of the matter I was soul shattered.

My heart was broken and my soul shattered so deeply that the only thing left of me as a person was a small bit of powdered dust that was once me.

I held on to that particle of dust that was me, and battled to one day become the person I used to be.

That never happened.

It was such a powerful event that I walked away changed, no longer knowing who I honestly was.

I still fight daily to not allow that one day of my life change the person that I am or want to be. I am not the same person I was and maybe that is better and maybe it isn’t.

There are still parts of me that I recognize and are familiar but there are parts of me that I have no clue who this person is.

Life is to be lived day by day and that is how I manage now.

I am angry and ashamed with myself to believe that I allowed something to have so much power over me that I could no longer find gratitude in the blessings of my day.

As I sit here and reflect on the past few years I realize so many beautiful memories haven’t been given their proper place in this journal, and I realize now how tragic that really is. But it is what it is.

I can’t take back yesterday and change it, I can only take control of today and make it what I want it to be.

I received an email today where this journal was discussed and reading that,  it sparked a new life in me to work harder on being my authentic self.

I can’t change what happens to me I can only control what I allow it to change in me.

Today I am grateful for being reminded that I am more than my heartache in life.

You Grow What You Feed

I was watching Oprah Winfrey’s Master Class, and the lesson was about Gratitude.  I was spellbound and captivated and walked away changed. I thought I had lived my life with a positive attitude and optimistically but I realized I had a lot to learn. So I have decided to live my life with the new motto…

My Attitude is Gratitude.

I have decided to do a Gratitude Journal…

One that I hope many other people will participate with me also…

I will be posting each day something I am grateful for and hope that others will post what they are grateful for… just one thing daily…

I hope that during the dark days when our struggles to be positive is hard, we will be able to come here and read what WE have written and be able to take our self back to that place of time… and it gives us the strength to move forward.

To New Beginnings…

When you change you expectations to appreciation, your world changes instantly…..

Today I am grateful for the social media that has brought such wonderful human beings into my life that have not only touched my heart but have changed my soul…

Choose Joy